It’s been a while since I have written and I think that is mostly because I didn’t know what to write. I vowed not to make this blog about anyone in particular, so it can be difficult to think of more and more concepts. However, here are some updated thoughts….
People seem to bring up the jealousy factor a lot, as if it is some hideous thing that we should all run away from. Jealousy is just an emotion and is purely natural. Once that is realized, it is beneficial to dig one layer deeper and discover the true feelings are really quite simple. When I do this I usually find just a desire to be doing something differently. That may be spending an evening with someone, going on a date with a person I find attractive, etc. There is nothing bad or wrong with that. It is natural to have desires and that is what drives us.
So, here is a thought… instead of stopping at the shallow feeling of jealousy, dig deeper to find out what is really there and then do something about it. Make a change or just be comfortable and secure in the fact that you are not doing that thing now, but can spend this time to plan it. Better yet, just be comfortable and secure in the feeling and not need to do anything about it.
I do get jealous sometimes. When my partner has a date and I don’t. Or sometimes of just a person in general – what they have, what they look like, who they know, etc. Use that as motivation, not focusing on the gap between as something to be bothered by, but something to strive to close if it really means that much. Study what what you really are jealous of, then keep your intentions healthy, clean and focused and go for it!
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Comments on: "Jealousy" (6)
Are you confusing jealousy with envy? As least as I think about it, you might be. Here’s the distinction as explained by John Rawls, “jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have.” So, if you’re concerned you might be losing your partner to his date, it could be jealousy; but, if you just wish you had a date too, then it’s more envy. It helps me to think about that distinction. If my partner/bf/guy I’m dating is going out with someone else, I find I’m usually more envious than jealous. I’m usually pretty secure in my relationship (or don’t care that much about losing it), so it’s not really jealousy. I just wish I was out having fun too. I have much more control over feeling of envy (I can do something about going out and finding a date, hookup, etc.) than I do about jealousy.
Thanks for the feedback! I am not sure I exactly agree with Rawls’ definition, but I do see your point. I don’t have concerns about losing my partner to his date, as we have agreements about that, so by his definition it would be envy. Either way, I think we both have a healthy perspective on the issue.
Nice post Corey.
I personally find both jealousy and envy opportunities to look within my self to value “me.” I also see the value in the optional choices that are reflected in the circumstances. It is the balance of certainty and uncertainty. These are two requirements of all humans. We want to “know, “feel,”or sense a certain amount of “stability.” But as creative creatures we also find the need to stretch beyond that “comfort” to a new-ness that life affords and is all about. The fun in relationships is the seeing the successful articulation while playing on the teater tauter of life experience. The certainty one must most depend on is that there will always be uncertainty… …. always ups and downs and bumps with bruses. But we being the glorious co-creators that we are, must also know that because we are co-creators we are never alone
and that too you may be certain.
thanks for the insight, Chuck. Always a pleasure!
So glad I found this resource/repository of information!
you are welcome! Glad you found it!